Cigars and personal relationships: What's your story?

Saturday, December 10 2011

By Gary Korb

Last month, I asked Cigar Advisor newsletter readers to tell me what effect smoking cigars has had on their personal relationships, be it their wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, etc. This week we'll take a look at the responses and see whether you can relate to them or not.

I suppose I should start with myself: When I was married, my cigar smoking wasn't really an issue, because my wife (to my consternation), smoked cigarettes, and it was my job. However, we never smoked in the house. For one, she wouldn't permit it (sound familiar?), and secondly, we had two very young boys at the time.

Now that I'm single and have a new home, I can smoke in the house all I want. The thing is, my boys live with me during the week, so I keep my "in-house" cigar smoking to a minimum, saving it for weekends when the kids are with their mom. Of course, during the summer, I can go outside. Though I don't buy into the secondhand smoke theories, I just feel it's wrong to smoke around children.

That's my story. Not all that exciting is it? So, let's take a look at what those who responded said about how their cigar smoking affects their relationships. For the most part, I have left the responses unedited and intentionally kept the names anonymous. Thanks to all of you who took the time to send in your responses.

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I had to write on this one. I started smoking cigars because my wife at the time hated them.  By the time I got rid of her, I really enjoyed smoking them. So now I am single and enjoy a cigar or three everyday without anyone telling me how bad they stink!!  I won the war. ~ Doug W.

My spouse likes the smell of a good cigar and is OK with me enjoying one. By choice, I indulge on the back deck where I can really enjoy [my cigar] with a cup of coffee watching the sun come up, or with a good drink watching the sun go down. (name withheld)

It's been my experience that cigars are thankfully viewed (by many) as a separate class from cigarettes. And so for me it's been neutral or positive. Thankfully, my closest relationship smokes with me. Our only argument is which is more enjoyable: Partagas 8-9-8 or Joya de Nicaragua Cabinetta Serie 7. Most women can't believe I smoke and men think it's sexy. I do it because I'm La Cubana. By the way: I smoke the Joya de Nicaragua, and I'm always trying something new. ~ M.V.H.

I am 56 years-old and have been a cigar aficionado since my college days, sitting around with my college mates. I recently retired after a 30 year career in law enforcement where I met my lovely wife. We have been married for almost 26 years and have raised a son. The only fly in the ointment is that my wife detests my cigar smoking, which as you know, tends to relax a person. Smoking cigars at work was no problem, especially when you work in Miami.  Smoking in my assigned police vehicle was OK. But that is where the line in the sand is drawn.  When I would come home from work, the snide comments would start. She put her proverbial foot down when it came to smoking in the house or in our personal cars.  Naturally, smoking in the house is not allowed, even in the one room of the house that I consider to be my "man-cave." I am allowed to smoke on the patio near the BBQ grill but not near the door to the house. But stretching the territorial "limits" is an added sport. Fortunately, with the south Florida weather I am able to enjoy my favorite pastime with a single malt beverage in the late afternoon on my patio or front porch. She, however, does not mind that I maintain three humidors in my home. ~ K.G.

This is a great topic! I've seen so many cases in which cigars have caused problems in the relationships, but my story is the total opposite. My wife is a non smoker, but luckily for me, she loves the smell of cigars and doesn't have an issue with me smoking anywhere; in the car, in the house, not even in the bedroom! I know you may have thought about it and yes, she lets me smoke one before, after, and sometimes even during, but anyway, I'll keep it PG-13 here and finish by saying that many women feel attracted to cigar smokers even if they hate the smell. They may not like the cigar, but they feel compelled by that man who is self confident enough to do something he knows is despised by many, and they see cigar smoking as a very manly thing to do. All of this was told to my wife by her girlfriends, even though they'd never admit that to me or to any other man.  ~ A.G.

The wife complains [that] smoking cigars takes time away from her. I only smoke outside or in my garage, and she knows that, but she refuses to join me in any capacity during any time of the year. Oh well, the smoking continues. ~ Doug D. in Ca.

I am fortunate to have a significant other who also smokes cigars. She and I enjoy very similar tastes in cigars, food, wines, scotches, and other activities like hunting, working in the outdoors and many other things. We attend cigar events together and often top-off a productive weekend with a nice cigar and a drink out on the deck. Sometimes, in warm weather, we'll end the evening with a cigar and a drink on the deck off my bedroom. One of our favorite activities are vacations. Each summer  [we visit] places like the Dominican Republic, Costa Rica, Jamaica, and Bonaire, where we can enjoy a resort and spend time around the pool, once again, with a nice beverage and a cigar. ~ E.M.

Almost every girl I date I win over to smoking cigars. I start them off with a Java, which never fails to please. I just bought a box of Javas for my girlfriend last week and she was so excited to get her own first box of cigars. Riding in the Jeep with the top off and smoking cigars, or just relaxing on the deck with a great smoke, always ensures a great time with each other. ~ J.V.

My dear wife of 26 years states emphatically that there is no such thing in the known universe as a GOOD cigar!  Does anyone know if there is counseling available for such thinking?  However, she did let me smoke a PRIMO stick in the house for my 60th birthday. (I [almost] wanted her to pee in a cup to see if she was on drugs, or a possible hormonal imbalance). ~ D.P.

I guess I am truly blessed when it concerns my relationship and cigars. I live in the Bay Area of California and enjoy great weather most of the year. I like to sit on the patio in the evening and enjoy a good cigar with a glass or two of Scotch or Irish Whisky. What makes this so enjoyable is, 95% of the time I'm joined by my wife. She enjoys her flavored cigars and cocktail while we listen to music and chat. We each have our own humidors and side of the liquor cabinet. I have enjoyed this tradition for the past 12 years. I feel bad for the guys who have to hide the fact they like cigars or have to ask permission from their wives/girlfriends to smoke a cigar. Most of our friends get a kick out of seeing us each with our own flasks and cigars when we travel. Life is too short not to enjoy a good cigar. Quality, not quantity. ~ AJ & OD

In the beginning it was my wife's idea we try a cigar together. It was our "dirty little secret" for the first few months, before we publicly "came out" about our hobby. We enjoy cigars together, each with our own preferences now. A time for the both of us to share, talking about the kids, daily events, dinner, or anything. ~ Shawn M.

After I divorced my cigar-hating ex, I discovered that my new romance partner had some Cubans (Romeo y Julieta) left over from a visit to Cuba a few years ago, as part of her medical training. She offered me one, and I was hooked!  We've been married almost a year now, and Christmas brings all sorts of goodies (a new humidor, selections of Ashton, Zino, and Gurkha, and a cigar lounge membership). She feels that my happiness is so important, and cigars (among other things: fine Napa wines, classical music, rock concerts, cuddling by the fireplace, etc.), are a catalyst for a solid and enduring relationship.  However, no smoking indoors.  Hey, ya got to be reasonable! ~ Peter in IL

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So what do we make of all this? It appears that in most cases couples are able to get along when it comes to smoking cigars. Since Famous Smoke Shop opened its Leaf Cigar Bar/Restaurant, I've noticed many couples smoking cigars together.

J.V., who noted that he has had much success with cigars when dating is a lucky guy (or just knows how to pick 'em). As a single man myself, unless the woman is a smoker, I tend to keep the cigar smoking thing on the down-low on the first date, as there are a lot of women who abhor cigars. When they ask me what I do for a living, if the chemistry is good I tell them I'm a marketing copywriter and a "professional cigar smoker." That tends to raise some eyebrows, and I've even met a few women who thought that was cool, or said they always wanted to try a cigar. (YES!) There's also another line I use when I'm not that comfortable yet; I tell them I'm in the "adult entertainment" business. That line almost always gets a rise out of them.

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